Mama I'm Coming Home
by Gabe Z
Summary: Zekk confronts his doubts and fears about returning to the academy, as well as his feelings for Jaina. Jaina can't live without him, and she resorts to drastic measures to ease her pain.


Mama I'm Coming Home

By Gabe Z.

Disclaimer - Yadda Yadda, Boy George (Lucas) owns SW and all this. How typical. And the title is an Ozzy song, cuz Ozzy rocks. This may not be so good. I'm just taking a little bit of a hiatus between parts 2 and 3 of my Payback series. I should have part 3 done fairly soon, though.

This takes place shortly before Zekk returns to the Academy, sometime before Return to Ord Mantell. Alone on the _Lightning Rod_, he confronts his fears and doubts, as well as his feelings for Jaina.

Times have changed, and times are strange/Here I come, but I ain't the same/Mama, I'm coming home/Times gone by, it seems to be/You could have been a better friend to me/Mama I'm coming home

You took me in and you drove me out/Yeah you had me hypnotized/Lost and found and turned around/By the fire in your eyes

You made me cry, you told me lies/But I can't stand to say goodbye/Mama, I'm coming home/I could be right, I could be wrong/It hurts so bad, it's been so long/Mama, I'm coming home

Selfish love yeah we're both alone/The ride before a fall/But I'm gonna take this heart of stone/I just got to have it all

I've seen your face a hundred times/Every day we've been apart/But I don't care about the sunshine, yeah

'Cause mama, mama, I'm coming home/I'm coming home

You took me in and you drove me out/Yeah you had me hypnotized/Lost and found and turned around/By the fire in your eyes

I've seen your face a thousand times/Every day we've been apart/But I don't care about the sunshine, yeah

'Cause mama, mama, I'm coming home/I'm coming home/I'm coming home/I'm coming home

-_Mama I'm Coming Home_, Ozzy Osbourne

  
  


Zekk sat alone in the cockpit of his ship and stared out into the vast black void of space, as he had done so many times before. No jobs in the past six months, no one to talk to. It was getting to be too much. His only real friends were back on Yavin 4, learning the ways of the Jedi. He couldn't go back there. . . could he? No. It would be the biggest mistake of his life, to go back to the Jedi Academy. He had failed Master Skywalker and had wreaked destruction on the academy during his tenure with the Shadow Academy. But most importantly, at least in his mind, he had failed the one person in the galaxy that he really cared about. Jaina.

Just the thought of her sent a cold shock down Zekk's spine. Yes, of course he loved her. But he almost killed her and her friends at one point. She would never take him back, would she? Probably not, he mused. She would never want to see him again.

He couldn't train as a Jedi again, either, he surmised, because he would fall over to the Dark Side again. _No! That's not true! I'm strong, I can control my anger and fear_. He just shook his head and set the controls to autopilot. He trudged heavily back into the small galley of the _Lightning Rod_, and sunk heavily into the lone chair in the crowded room. He opened a small secret panel above the cistern and grabbed a small bottle of a light yellow liquid and glanced wearily at the label. "Hmmph. Corellian whiskey."

He screwed the cap off and took a long swill from the translucent bottle. He stopped, choking back the urge to vomit. "Gods, that's the strong stuff."

He coughed several times and cleared his eyes, which were wet with tears of pain from the searing flavor of the alcohol. Swigging another large gulp, he sat back, coughing and laughing, trying to ignore the intensely painful sensation of fire in his throat. It felt as if he had swallowed a cluster of fiery needles and they were jabbing at a thousand points inside of him. Oh, he would regret this, all right, in the morning, when he woke up with one of the rancor-size hangovers that had been more and more frequent in the past weeks. "But what the hell do I care? I don't have anything else to lose."

He polished off the whiskey in one tremendous swig and doubled over in pain, coughing and choking on vomit. He curled into a fetal position on the floor of the galley, wincing and choking, praying that he would pass out.

- - - -

Jaina settled heavily into the large, soft chair in her quarters. No messages from Zekk. But why the hell did that come as a surprise to her? He hadn't responded to any of her dozens of holomessages sent in the last three months. She sighed, wiping a tear that was forming on her cheek. Would he ever come back? Did he even have feelings for her?

That thought sent a searing wave of pain through her and she bent over in her chair, sobbing uncontrollably. She tried her best to calm herself with her Jedi techniques, but nothing could help. She needed him to come back. She missed him so horribly much. Why didn't he ever come back? Or even message her?

"Dammit, Zekk! What in the name of Hell is wrong with you, you stupid nerfherding bastard. Why the hell can't you see that I love you?"

She realized how angry she was and calmed down. She wiped a stray tear from cheek as a knock sounded at her door. "Jaina? You in there?"

She choked as much emotion out of her voice as she could and replied. "Yeah? Who is it?"

"Jacen. Jaina, dad's here with Chewie."

She had forgotten! She was happy that her father was here to visit, but she was still sad, and she thought she always would be. Unless Zekk, the one person she truly cared about, would come back.

- - - -

"Blast it!" Yelled Zekk as he woke up with a monstrous hangover. He sighed. He couldn't live like this. He hated bounty hunting, and he damn well knew it. He hated to be alone, for months at a time, his only contacts being his shadowy employers and vicious rival bounty hunters. He would go back to the Academy. It wouldn't be easy to return, but he knew he could do it. He would become a Jedi. That was all that was left for him.

He keyed up his comm system and punched in the frequency for the academy. He was rewarded a moment later when Tionne's elfin face appeared on the holoscreen. She spoke first, her voice an odd mixture of surprise and relief. "Zekk! Gods, how are you?"

His mood lightened considerably. Tionne was a good friend. "Fine, Tionne. Is Master Skywalker there?"

"No, he's on a mission with Mara. You have a message for him?"

Zekk paused, considering how to phrase his next words. "Well, yes. . ." he trailed off. He decided on the straight approach. "Tell Master Skywalker that I'm coming back."

He felt like a two-ton slab of duracrete had been lifted off of his chest. He breathed easily and sat back. Tionne's face lit up with surprise. "Wonderful! I will give him the message."

She reached for the end button, but Zekk spoke. "And please, don't tell anyone else. I want this to be a kind of surprise."

"You have my word, as a Jedi."

He deactivated the comm and used a Jedi calming technique to settle his nerves. He would be back where he belonged, before long. And he would be with the only one he had ever really loved.

- - - -

Jaina sighed as she sat on the large tree stump in the jungle by the lake, watching Jacen and Tenel Ka and Raynar and Lusa frolic in the cool, clear water of the pool. She wiped a tear from her eye as she sat back. They all looked so happy together. She had no one to be with, no one to love. "Hey, Jaina, come on in! Water's fine!" called Jacen.

"That's alright. I don't really feel like swimming."

Jacen shrugged and went back to his swimming. She stood and announced that she was going back to look at the _Falcon_. She left the clearing and set out to get back to the temple. She emerged from the damp jungle onto the main landing pad, where her father's ship sat. She keyed an access code into the hatch key panel and the boarding ramp lowered with a hiss of compressed air. She trod slowly up the steps and closed the doorway. She walked into the bedroom of the ship and plunked onto the large, soft mattress with a muffled_ thump_. She noticed a blaster laying on the nightstand. She pulled it into her grasp with a Force tug and felt the cool gunmetal in her warm palm.

She checked the charge. Loaded. She sighed. Did she really have so much to live for? No, not without Zekk.. She couldn't live without him. And if she couldn't live without him, she couldn't live at all. She inverted the gun and slowly placed it in her mouth. The blaster had a foul, acidic taste, but that wouldn't matter in a few moments. "Jaina?" called Han, her father.

She began to sob, the gun still in her mouth, her finger on the trigger. He walked into the room and drew back a few steps. "Jaina! Oh my Gods!"

She pulled the gun out of her mouth and collapsed onto the bed, in a fit of sobs. Han came over to her and sat on the bed. She put her head in his lap and he stroked her brown hair gently and she cried softly. She began to speak, but bit her tongue, fearing that she might only make her pain worse. She cried herself to sleep in her father's lap, and he sat with her, comforting her, even as she slept.

- - - -

Zekk observed as Yavin 4 came into view through the viewport of his ship. He prepared to land his ship around the outskirts of the temple clearing, and pondered what he was doing as he did. Was he making a mistake? Would he once again turn to the dark side? No, no, that was his past. This was his future, and he had no intention of squandering it, lost in the evil of the Dark Side.

He passed quickly through the cloudy atmosphere of the jungle moon and descended to a tiny clearing just outside of the temple grounds. He put his gear down and the _Lightning Rod_ touched down with a hiss. He breathed deeply, drawing on hi skills to calm himself. Yes, he was a bundle of nerves, and rightly so. He opened the ship's hatch, and with a nervous breath, the walked out and strode towards the Jedi academy.

- - - -

"But why, Jaina? You have so much to live for."

Jaina didn't answer. She could feel Luke probing her mind, and that didn't help her. She kept quiet, but Luke no longer persisted. She stretched out to his mind. It was a swirl of concern, fear, anger, and dozens of other emotions blending together in a cacophony on thoughts, as well as something he kept shielded, as though he didn't want anyone to know what he was thinking in that corner of his mind.

Luke drew back, satisfied. He knew what she knew. "Jaina, I know you miss him, but that's no reason to. . ."

"Dammit! You just can't understand!"

Luke drew away, taken aback by her sudden outburst. "He never writes me back, he never even visits! Do you know how bad that feels?"

The anger in her voice dulled as sadness welled up in her. "I miss him so much."

"Miss who?" asked another voice, from the doorway.

_Oh Gods! Zekk?_

_Jaina?_

_Oh, I missed you. . ._

Their thought exchange was interrupted and Jaina sprung from her seat and bounded towards Zekk. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him as though there would be no tomorrow as tears welled in her eyes. She sobbed as they embraced.

"I love you, Zekk."

"I love you, Jaina."

- - - -

Jaina and Zekk sat on top of the temple, gazing out into the beautiful Yavin sunset. Jaina turned to him. "Zekk. . . why. . ."

"I was so ashamed, Jaina. I was afraid that you would hate me and never speak to me again. . .I was so lonely out there."

She didn't answer. She just clasped her hands behind his heads and drew him close, and they kissed, embracing for so long, and to Jaina, nothing in that galaxy would change her love for him. "Zekk. . .I love you. . .I can't say how much. . ."

He closed his eyes and replied. "Jaina, I love you, I can't live without you. I heard what you almost did. . . was that because of. . ."

"Yes, Zekk. I decided that if I couldn't have you, I couldn't go on living. . ."

He began to cry at her admission and drew her closer, embracing her in his strong arms. "But now I'm here. . .We'll always be together. I love you."

"I love you, Zekk."

With that, the two kissed passionately, shrouded in the brilliant purple-orange sunset of the jungle moon. But they didn't care about that. They had each other, and that's all they needed.


End file.
